I have taken an extremely hedonistic tack lately. I don’t mean like rock stars and orgies. It’s more me obeying my whims at a particular moment, apropos of nothing. It’s very indulgent. This also includes not doing anything I don’t want to do, even if it’s good for me.
I feel no guilt doing this, as I used to. I trust myself, by now, to have internalized a good set of basic instincts and boundaries. I will not end up in ditch.
Time is the only precious thing and I don’t want to waste any more of it not enjoying myself.
I just found out Wordpress has this cool fullscreen mode. Everything fades and you just see a cursor and your words.
I decided to use NaNoWriMo this year to make myself write. It sort of worked. I wrote about 4,000 words so far, over several sessions at the Blue Danube and a few times during the hour before bed. It feels awesome to pound down whatever I’m thinking without editing onto the page and to just keep on going without looking back. The hardest part has always been getting started, to actually stop whatever I’m doing and to shift my brain over to writing. That problem will always be there. Now, though, I don’t have to worry whether I’ll produce any words. You know how it’s impossible to tell your brain to stop thinking? I just wait for thoughts to materialize and write those down. It’s a fountain!
That’s Amanda Palmer playing the ukulele.
I had the easiest, fastest time at the Comcast store this afternoon. It was incredible. I had been dreading going there and dealing with the customer service. It has a horrendous rep. But it was OK! I needed to exchange a broken cable box for another one; I thought I would have to drive back and get the remote and the coaxial cable that originally came with the box; it seemed like something bad customer service people will nitpick about and demand before they would help you. I also braced myself for having to explain that I wasn’t the person on the bill and was trying to think of ways to prove that I hadn’t stolen the cable box and was trying to scam them. In the end, the guy scanned the box, drew up my dad’s records, asked what was wrong, and went in the back and got me another box. That just rocked.
Last night at Kevin’s Noodle House, during one of the best pho experiences in my life, we talked about how someone we knew was stable enough in life that even if a baby suddenly appears in their life, they would be able to handle it. That really stuck with me. Having a kid is the most disruptive, expensive, life-changing thing that can possibly happen to you. To be able to withstand and take in stride that immense shock to your system, that’s just wow. That will be my high water mark. I will aim to have all my emotional and financial shit so together that nothing, not even a baby, can assail my life.
Victoria is back SF for a week! This is going to be so fun.
I learned a new word. It’s lagniappe. It’s the little extra something a storekeeper gives you for good measure when you buy something. That’s a really cool practice and I’d like to see that happen more often. Like haggling.