When I listen to the song from the Great Gatsby, specifically to the lines after the chorus, the way she says I know you will, I know you will——that just absolutely breaks my heart.
I sometimes get really tired after work and go straight to bed, skipping dinner and everything. Without fail, it has turned out awful and I regret doing it. I would wake up like an hour and half later and spend the rest of the night hella awake lying there in bed staring at the ceiling. I might as well have been guzzling down concentrated caffeine sludge that entire time. Goddamn it.
Insomnia makes me so helpless; I can’t will myself to sleep. In fact, trying makes it harder. I have to treat it like some skittish wild deer or something, and not want it to get it. The fuck is this. I can take sleeping pills of course, but I can’t ever tell if they work. I want something that instantly makes me sleep, whenever I want to, like a button. I already hate how much time sleep takes up; to have to spend more time coaxing and playing PUA games with it is just stupid ridiculous. I hate you, biological requirements!!!! I HATE YOU.