I just tried some soylent. I have a bag of it—four servings precisely 2,000 calories—from my sister’s ex-boyfriend. It tastes super bland and my body is so confused. It satiates really fast. Drinking a cup of it feels like eating a sandwich. I guess that’s the point! I was all for the idea of it, to have something easy to eat instead of snacking on crap, but in reality, I think I would give up that complete nutrition profile for taste every time.

I’m moving out of my apartment at the end of the month. I went through my books to see which ones I could sell. I don’t think I’m a good book owner. Except for a few favorites, I never really read anything a second time. There’s no real point actually for me to buy books, as good as they look on a shelf. It’ll be easier to figure out what I want to keep instead.

Taking down my shelf feels like defeat. I don’t want to do it.

Getting myself to write is very hard, why is that, I don’t understand it. Why is it so hard to motivate myself to do something I want to do so much?? Maybe it’s because I don’t actually want to do it? If so, then what is this persistent wanty feeling? I feel it every day pretty much constantly. If that’s not want, I don’t know what is. Makes no sense.